According to Webster’s Dictionary, honor is defined as “to regard or treat (someone) with admiration and respect.” When you search the internet there are hundreds of pages that reference everything from definitions of the word honor to honoring golden retrievers and even as I type this, a quote involving honor came across twitter.

Honor is to be given, not earned.  Honor gives glory to God.  Earlier this year I really started to struggle with the idea of honor.  I didn’t understand it, I didn’t couldn’t grasp it and above all else, I was disillusioned by it.

Then I went to Haiti. When I joined the team of Bless Back Worldwide in February of 2011 I had no clue that God would use 17 strangers to begin healing my wounded vision of honor.

When we were together in Haiti life just made sense.  From the very get go, the members of the team loved me for who I am.  They encouraged my gifts and no matter whether they were 70 or 17 each of my teammates chose to see the best in me no matter what.  Now that I’m home, it’s not the same.  It’s only been a few days and I’m struggling to be accepted and to experience relationships in the way God intended.  It’s like I put out on twitter earlier in the week:  Since being back I’m realizing that there are more things I didn’t miss while in Haiti then things that I did.

Thanks to God’s will, the hearts of my amazing teammates and the experience with so many wonderful children/people, I learned that true honor exists without pain or judgment, that investment is a two way street and that prayer does more than just miracles…. and I just can’t thank God or my team enough because while I’m working my hardest to remain content in the me I found in Haiti (the me I believe God has created me to be) and the me that each moment and person helped cultivate through their love, time and support… it’s so much harder when you get home to the USA.

We live in an amazing country with amazing freedoms, but in those freedoms we have been spoiled by a culture that wants more, needs more, expects more and most of all demands more and can sometimes do so at the sacrifice of the small things.  Simplicity gives room to a focus on each other.  Though so many in Haiti have nothing, they understand the things that are important.  They glorify God through joy, grace and most of all honor, and as a team we came together and did the same.

So while the dictionary may say one thing, and the internet another, for me, honor will remain burned in my memory as an experience of Haiti, Bless Back Worldwide, and the 5/11 Dream Team.

 Kelly Hillman